We have a booger flicker on our hands.
In the event that you are unfamiliar with the term or it is not already self-explanatory, we have an employee that goes into the bathroom stall and completely bypasses the obvious usage of toilet paper and flicks or wipes their boogers on the wall. Sometimes, the boogers are found inches from the toilet paper, which means that this person blatantly ignores the toilet paper option and prefers to graffiti the wall with her nose trash.
I find this both objectionable as well as unacceptable. I've decided to become the booger vigilante and I'm determined to find out just who this sick fuck is and bring them to shame. Or justice. But more shame.
I mean we are WOMEN. GROWN ASS WOMEN. Is this really an issue, flicking boogers onto a wall? This would be my expectation of a problem in the bathroom of a daycare. The women on my floor, with the exception of Lady Craft and my direct supervisor, are middle aged or better.
But, here's the good news: Things are looking up. I think I have a lead on who the culprit is.
There is a woman who works on my floor, in a different area. She's this little bit of a thing and so very unfortunate looking. She is the reason I have hope for my love life, because if a women could look like a combination of these two people:
Find someone to settle down with, and pump out a couple of kids (so you know that she and said husband had sex at least twice), there is hope for me. She wears sweatpants to work. And she has bangs that she looks like she cuts herself. And she wore a sweater today. A SWEATER. It's ninety goddamn degrees out!
Anyways, this woman drops the NASTIEST shits in the world. She's allergic to everything, so I'm pretty sure her gastrointestinal system is all sorts of fucked up, but the ladies in my department (including myself) used to schedule our bathroom trips around this woman. We used to make sure that we never went to the bathroom after 2:22 PM, because that happened to be the time she would go and stink up the joint on a daily basis for the first two or three years that I was at the Inferno. Lately, though, she has been going whenever she damn well pleases, which is just fine with me, I mean when you have to go you have to go. But use the damn spray to tame that god awful cloud of death that hangs over the bathroom after you've left. It's like the bog of eternal stench, sometimes into the next day.
Today, my supervisor came out of the bathroom. She said that she had tried to go about ten minutes earlier but Miss Stink was just going in and she figured she'd wait. When she couldn't hold it anymore, she took her chances and tried again. And although there was no smell when she walked into the bathroom, there was evidence of booger flicking. A fresh load of them on the wall just below the toilet paper.
I mean, what is the fascination with the booger flicking? What is the purpose? Why is this person doing this to us? Like, do you enjoy picking your nose so much that you think others will appreciate your showing your support of it by seeing it hanging on the wall? Or is it that you pick your nose and you are just so disgusted by the boogers or yourself that you flick them off your finger quick as they are mined out of your schnoz? Or maybe it's one of those people who like to paint fantastic paintings with poop, maybe she thinks there's a market for booger wall murals, and pink 70s tile is her new medium.
Whatever it is, it's freaking disgusting.
What my supervisor and I did was taped a box of tissues next to the toilet paper, kind of like "I Know What You Did This Summer." Tagline: "You left boogers on the bathroom wall." But I mean, if this chick completely disregarded the toilet paper, she'll probably disregard the tissues as well. But at least she'll know that we know. Although I have no idea how she wouldn't have known, since it's common knowledge that once boogers are outside your nose they do not suddenly become invisible. Or go to seed like dandelions and just *poof* fly away.
I told Sir Riddle about it, and he said to give this woman a break, since she is so unfortunate looking. I say that this is no excuse. As a matter of fact I think that she should work a little harder. I mean, I was a porker once. I didn't have much going for me in the looks department. I was funny and quirky, but that was pretty much where it ended. I had yet to discover tweezers, so I looked like a Hungarian peasant.
I get it. I mean, everyone picks their nose. Everyone needs to mine some green gold every once in a while. Some people use tissues. Others use their mouths. This woman chooses to flick them on the wall of a publicly used area. But I'm going to exploit her. Someway. Somehow. It will happen. She shall meet justice. And shame. Especially shame.
No comments:
Post a Comment