So, I met this guy. His name is Bill.
At first, I will admit that my motives may have been less than stellar. He kind of looks like Sir Riddle, and I thought that it might make it easier for me to open up to someone if they reminded me of someone I felt close to at one point.
Ok, ok. Maybe this was not the right thing to do. But at the time it seemed like a good way to handle the situation since it seemed like I might never meet someone I felt comfortable with, I was getting very all in all disillusioned.
His answers to my emails were like I was reading my own thoughts and hopes and dreams. And I thought, maybe this is it.
I'm going to stop saying that altogether. I don't think people have those types of moments anymore. It's not like I'm going to meet someone and know. I feel like I know all the time. I don't. Every time I hesitate to say...could this be it? And I'm right to. Because it NEVER is the case. It's never "it".
When he started asking about how many kids I wanted and stuff like that, I was leery. Because we hadn't met yet and I didn't want to get my hopes up, like I had so many times before. I mean, what if he didn't really look like his pictures, or what if he had this really high girl voice? These are the things I'm thinking as I pull up to our first date. He's standing across the street from me as I walk over on the crosswalk, I see that not only are his pictures accurate but he might just be even more attractive in person. And he says hi and his voice is thankfully low and manlike. And he's tall, very tall. And broad. And hairy like a man. He's perfect.
We sit in the bar and we talk for four hours. And it's so natural and fun and...oh. I couldn't remember the last time I felt that meeting someone. He walks me to my car and he kisses me. It feels so nice, warm, and...I hate to be repetitious, but natural.
The first couple days, it was great. We couldn't wait to see each other, or talk to each other, or text to each other. There was one night, he stayed home to work on his new startup, he called and instead of working talked to me for three hours.
He came over last weekend and spent the night.
There must be one of two things going on here. One is that I am a terrible lay. The other is that I continuously meet men (off of eHarmony, since this is the first man I've had sex with on the site) who view women as a conquest that, once conquered, quickly lose interest.
Not sure which, but Bill falls into one of these categories.
Sunday night, he started to gather his things to go home. I asked, playfully, "When do I get to see you again?" to which he replied: "I dunno, next weekend is kind of busy."
Next weekend?! I had seen him four times in the span of a week! Next weekend?! WTF is that?
Monday, there is a noticeable change in our conversation. Bill obviously is either over communication in general or over communicating with me, because he's just not. And I can't figure it out. Furthermore, I don't want to ask about what's wrong again and again because first, I hate repeating myself and second, I hate badgering people when they have already told me "nothing" even when I know it's something.
Finally, I call bullshit on this whole mess. I say, basically: Dude, you told me to be honest with you when something is bothering me, so here it is. I don't understand how last week you were all into me and now it seems like you're not and maybe it is because you're busy with work and your business, but it seems like it's something with me, and if it is I hope you tell me and don't just leave me high and dry.
He says, in response to this, that it is because of work and his business and that he's really stressed out and pissed off and when he gets this way he finds it best to be completely and utterly alone, that he has been alone most of his life (which I don't think is true, I've been alone more time than him, but whatever), and that most of his best friends don't know his deepest darkest secrets. That he's a bull in a china shop when he's like this and to stay out of his way.
Bells and whistles are going off right now, let me tell you. In case you didn't get bells and whistles from that yourself.
I don't want someone that just folds into themselves whenever they get pissed or stressed out. What happens when that person has kids? They need this "alone time" until the kids graduate from high school? I had days this week that were bad, and I couldn't count on him. Maybe that was premature, but I think if it's only been a week and someone needs "alone time" from you, it's a pretty good indication that first, they aren't all that into you and second, they can't be counted on for when things get difficult.
So, when he asked me out for this past Friday, I accepted. But I knew this conversation was going to happen.
Here's how I started it: So...this week...
And here's what I found out:
-When I asked him if eventually I was going to be someone he could share these "deep dark secrets" with, he stated that he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep. Strike one.
-Not that I mind about "moodiness," but he stated that he unapologetically was moody and he couldn't help it, like that was some sort of excuse for being a douche. Strike two.
-I really can't remember how this came about but I remember him saying that he wasn't sure what he wanted. When I asked why he had joined a dating site he said that he thought he was ready but now he wasn't so sure. Strike three.
Why does this have to be so hard? Why is it so hard for me to find someone to love? Why can everyone else seem to find someone but me? I just don't understand. I think I'm pretty decent, a good catch. Bad people find others to be with. Why can't I?
No comments:
Post a Comment